Children steal for a variety reasons. Some steal for comfort, others to impress a group of friends, get back at their parents, or to get the things they want. Sometimes they steal just because it is exciting. Probably as many as one in four children have deliberately stolen something at some time. Most, of course, never do it again. But those who do, do so for one reason: it works. Whatever their core need: attention, money, or excitement, the stealing provides it for them.

So how do you stop it? Obviously, if you can help them to find another way to meet their needs, then they won't have to continue with the stealing.

Repeat offenders do so for one simple reason: because it works. Regardless of their motivation: attention, money, or excitement, the stealing fulfils their needs.

Of course it's imperative that you set a good example. Turning in a lost wallet or giving back too much change when you receive it. Doing these things won't be lost on your children.

Keep an eye on your kids, watching for good behavior. Each time they perform an act of honesty, no matter how small, be sure to reward and praise them.

At the same time, you need to model the behavior yourself. Are you conscientious about returning change when you are given too much in a store, what do you do when you find a wallet or money in the street? Your children learn by watching you.

Next talk to your child about righting the wrong. This goes beyond returning the stolen item. It includes paying for the disruption and disrespect that he or she also committed. The best way is to have the child take care of the wrongdoing with you supplying lots of support. These are some examples:

Return the goods to the manager of the shop, school child, or teacher, along with some compensation and an apology.

If your child stole something from a stranger, take it away and consider contacting the police. Also fine your child yourself.

If the goods have already be sold and spent, he may have to sell some of his possessions (perhaps to you) to pay for them and the fine. Make sure what he sells is gone for good.

If taken from a stranger, remove the items (perhaps hand them in at the police station) and impose a fine or loss of privileges.

If the item is no longer in the child's possession and the money has been spent, ask the child to sell some of their own favorite items (even to you) to pay for them and the fine. Make sure what is sold is gone for good.

Avoid a long grounding sentence. Jail does not reform hardened criminals, and grounding will probably not reform your own little angel.

As we said, taking the stolen property back is the first opportunity to do the right thing. If your child refuses, you then have no option but to impose an even stiffer penalty. The most important message to convey is that doing the honest thing, even after the event, is still the best policy.

Sometimes the temptation is to impose a long grounding sentence. Remember, jail does not reform hardened criminals, so expecting a different result with your own child is not realistic.

Dr. Noel Swanson, Consultant Child Psychiatrist and author of The GOOD CHILD Guide, specializes in children's behavioural difficulties and writes a free newsletter for parents. He can be contacted through his website: www.good-child-guide.com. This article is copyright. You are encouraged, however, to freely copy it provided this signature block is included without modification (other than the addition of your own affiliate link)

About the Author,  Dr. Noel Swanson:

Behavior Problems can be solved! To discover the secret, visit author Dr. Swanson's Behavior Problems website and check out his very popular manual, The GOOD CHILD Guide. Glyconutrients and autism.

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